just a piece of thoughts

So many people who are living in this world keep saying to each other;

"Be nice to those people you meet. They might bring you into the place so-called happiness."

This picture was taken around Suramadu Bridge, Surabaya, on Saturday 22/8/20

They don't know, in other side of the world some people are always tyring to be nice but none can see all those goods. Many people told me so; "Hey, you're such a nice human being, keep being nice yeps!" They just didn't know. Sometimes I felt that way, I mean I I'm such a nice person, but sometimes I'm questioning myself "Am I really that nice?".

You know, it feels like a burden for me. "Keep being nice" feels like forcing me to be that nice when I don't want to be. Some people will easily say "NO" when someone ask them to do something, but for me? Uhm, I don't think so. It's kinda hard, can you feel this way?

Not always but it's often, I think about what people think about me. Once I did nice things to someone, I felt like they would have high expectation at me like "Oh, she helped me this time and she might help me over and over again when I need her later."

Once in a while, they need me, but I can't help them. They probably will think and say with puppy eyes; "Can you please just help me? You helped me at that time..." then all those words make me feel so guilty just because I can't help them, and then I will end-up helping them, again.

Lately, I think about how to be rude person. I mean, I think alot about how to say "NO" when someone come to me asking for help. My bestfriend told me; "Jah, as human beings, we are actually meant to be helpful for each other, we just need to be nice as always but we can't force them to be nice with us. What matter is, we had done our best in helping others."

Well, I can say "OMG I want to refuse everything they ask me for" but deepdown I can have a feeling of being happy when I can help someone to do something I'm able to. At the end, being "ga enakan" kinda person sometimes could be our happiness, cause we can help others. Xx.